Attorney General John Ashcroft resigned today, which is pretty good news (depending on whom they tap to replace him of course).
But the announcement came with better news still:
"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush.
Why didn't anyone else tell us about this? We are SAFE!
The terror thing? Over!
Crime? Don't even lock your doors.
I wonder why Bush didn't use this in his campaign this year? It really would have boosted his numbers. Who wouldn't vote for the guy who helped vanquish terror and crime?
Maybe Ashcroft just achieved this goal yesterday, too late for the campaign. In any case he really set the bar high for the next Attorney General. One criminal or terrorist act and the next guy's a loser.
And to think they called the Bush Administration out of touch with reality. Ha! Take that, Osama!